I often hear ladies saying that they lack “normal” men nowadays: most men are infantile, immature, irresponsible … And not only women, but also men say so. Both sexes support the widespread myth that “till you are 30 all normal men are either married to other women or turn gays”.
Both sexes find some benefits in the myth: girls can suffer and blame the men for his inaction; guys can exalt themselves against the background of these “immaturity” or justify their own failure, claiming that all his peers, all the generation, face the same problems.
To tell the truth, I observe more and more infantilism nowadays. And it is typical for both sexes (may women forgive me for the bitter truth). There are millions of consequences of such infantilism. One of them is a great mess in relationships because of ambiguous responsibilities. I suggest bringing some order to this mess and talk about how infantilism can spoil our relationships.
How a Man-Child Can Spoil the Relationship
In general, the options for the distribution of roles in the relationship, for example in Russian brides dating, are three: patriarchy, matriarchy, and partnership. The infantilism though manages to influence all three scenarios.
Among women, infantilism blossoms in a magnificent fantasy: a big and strong someone will come, guess her desires, solve problems and take responsibilities for all her issues. She will sit in a small dress, swinging her foot and slapping her eyes.
It is curious that in an “everybody owes me” fantasy is sacredly trusted by both girlish girls and by fierce feminists (although both categories show are doing their best to show how different they are). The first ones believe that a man “owes them”, just because they are pretty and obedient. The second ones do because the society has belittled for too long, and now something the stronger sex can be belittled in response. They want nothing but revenge.
Infantile men see the patriarchal system as follows: I bring money – it means that all other questions do not concern me. Enduring her PMS, talking to her, spending time together, taking her opinion into account when making decisions – why should I do it if II earn money for us. So they let women stay home and indulge men in every possible way. Well, is this patriarchate or what?
Here’s another option: washing the dishes and cooking are female responsibilities. Why should I care about her broken arm, three jobs, and two children. I am a man, so I do not deal with women’s stuff. It is even more hilarious when a patriarchal-infantile man believes that his parental role ends at the time of conception so that he does not have to bring a kid up and change diapers.
It’s the same here, only the roles are twisted: he receives everything, and has no responsibilities instead. He gets pleasure, does soul searching and she works herself to the bone. And it seems that she is being exploited, but it is not entirely true. She gets something out of the relationship too. She satisfies her boundless desire for control and power. She does not need to learn to keep silent, she does not need to fight fears that are constantly yelling in her head something like, “if you want to do it right – do it yourself”. She is a mother, and he is a child. Each of them gets their benefits.
In the world of infantile relationships, equality refers only to what the other is obliged to do and what you are not obliged to do. In other words, when people speak about the partnership, they usually mean their unwillingness to take responsibility for the relationship or make certain decisions. Something like, we are here together, so both of us are guilty, both are to blame.
At the same time, few people think about such important attributes of partnership as friendship, benevolence, the desire to agree (and not prove their point). In such a childlike version of partner relationships, the leading idea is the following: since we are equal, we can bravely fight with each other, proving who is more right and who is better.
It seems to me that the main problem of infantilism in a relationship is the inability to see the other partner, to consider his or her individual characteristics. The thoughtless desire to “build relationships according to a system” completely outshines the personality of both partners.
For a man-child, it is too difficult to look at the relationship from this point of view. They seek simple answers to complex questions.