When it comes to romance, there’s a question that never seems to go away: what makes people feel most loved — heartfelt words or thoughtful actions?
Society has long been filled with clichés about this. We’ve been told that women are easily moved by sweet talk, while men are supposedly immune to it, caring more about gestures or physical intimacy. But as is often the case, real human behavior doesn’t fit neatly into these stereotypes.
A recent study published in Evolutionary Psychological Science flipped this assumption upside down. It found that women, far from being easily swayed by flowery words, consistently prefer meaningful actions. Meanwhile, men proved to be more flexible, responding to both words and deeds depending on the situation and emotional tone.
The results suggest that love languages may be more complex than previously believed — and that the way people give and receive love is shaped by much more than cultural clichés.
Breaking Down the Stereotype
The research was co-authored by Jianmin Zeng, who explained the motivation behind the study:
“People generally have the stereotype that females are more easily swayed by sweet words than males, but little empirical work has been devoted to testing this stereotype. That motivated us to conduct this research.”
In other words, there was a gap between what people assume and what has actually been tested scientifically. This study set out to explore how men and women respond to two common expressions of love: sweet words (like compliments and verbal affection) and sweet actions (like thoughtful gestures and consistent support).
The findings revealed three important lessons that shed light on how relationships work — and how they might work better when we understand what really matters.
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1. Actions Build Trust (Especially for Women)
For women, actions were consistently ranked as more meaningful than words. This doesn’t mean words don’t matter — they do — but when it comes to building a foundation of trust, actions often carry more weight.
Why Actions Matter So Much
From an evolutionary perspective, the explanation makes sense. Historically, women shouldered the responsibilities of pregnancy, childbirth, and childcare. These were demanding and often risky tasks. In that context, words alone weren’t enough to ensure survival or security. Tangible signs of reliability — such as food, protection, or consistent support — were vital.
In today’s world, survival may no longer depend on hunting and gathering, but the psychological roots remain. Women tend to value partners who demonstrate reliability through consistent, caring actions.
What This Looks Like in Practice
In modern relationships, “sweet actions” can be surprisingly simple:
- Keeping promises. Following through shows commitment and builds trust.
- Being present. Whether it’s showing up after a tough day or lending a hand with daily tasks, reliability strengthens emotional safety.
- Small, thoughtful gestures. Making tea, remembering a favorite snack, or taking the dog out aren’t just chores — they communicate attentiveness and care.
These actions may seem ordinary, but they add up. Over time, they form a steady pattern that reassures a partner they are not just loved in words, but supported in life.
Think of it this way: actions are the scaffolding of love. Without them, words risk collapsing under their own weight.
2. Men Value Words More Than We Think
Here’s where the research gets especially interesting. If women lean on actions, what about men? Contrary to stereotypes, the study found that men respond strongly to words — perhaps more than cultural narratives suggest.
A Flexible Response
Zeng and colleagues observed that men’s preferences could shift depending on how affection was framed. If actions were described in especially “sweet” or supportive terms, men valued them more. But when words carried warmth and sincerity, men also resonated with verbal affirmation.
This flexibility stands in contrast to the stereotype of men being emotionally stoic or indifferent to words. In fact, additional research from 2024 found that men reported using verbal affection (80%) and expressing emotional desire (70%) at higher rates than women. This challenges the idea that men avoid emotional expression.
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Why Words Matter to Men
Words may provide men with something society often denies them: open acknowledgment of their character, emotions, and efforts. In cultures where men are expected to “tough it out,” hearing affirmations like “You’re so patient” or “I admire your drive” can be surprisingly powerful.
Examples in Real Life
Here’s how words can make a difference for men:
- Noticing efforts. Saying, “I appreciate how you fixed that,” validates contributions that might otherwise go unnoticed.
- Affirming character. Comments like, “You’re a wonderful father,” or, “You’re so dependable,” go beyond thanking someone for tasks — they affirm identity.
- Offering encouragement. Men may not always ask for reassurance, but hearing, “I believe in you,” can boost confidence in ways silent support might not.
The bottom line: while actions are crucial, words have more influence on men than we’ve been led to believe.
3. Warmth and Sincerity Are the Real Secret
At the heart of the study lies one simple truth: it’s not just about what you do or say, but how you do it. Warmth and sincerity are the true love languages.
As Zeng put it: “Perceived warmth and trustworthiness are the underlying psychological mechanisms of this phenomenon. You should choose sweet words or sweet actions that will be perceived as warm and trustworthy in that moment or situation.”
The Context Matters
This means the most effective way to express love depends on timing and circumstance:
- During stress: Actions often matter more. Stepping in to share responsibilities or offering practical help speaks volumes.
- During vulnerability: Words take the lead. Reassurance, encouragement, and comfort can soothe emotional wounds.
- In everyday life: A blend of both works best — gestures paired with genuine affirmations.
Sincerity Over Performance
The study also highlights the importance of authenticity. Empty compliments or half-hearted gestures fall flat. The difference between meaningful and meaningless affection often comes down to intent.
Before saying or doing something, it helps to ask: Am I doing this to genuinely connect, or just to tick a box? Love expressed as routine duty rarely lands as deeply as love expressed with genuine care.
Beyond Words vs. Actions: Rethinking Love Languages
This research adds nuance to the old proverb, “Actions speak louder than words.” The truth is more balanced:
- For women, actions often form the foundation of love, creating reliability and trust.
- For men, words can be surprisingly powerful, offering affirmation in ways actions alone cannot.
Rather than treating words and actions as opposites, the findings suggest they work best as partners. Together, they weave a stronger, more resilient fabric of love.
What This Means for Modern Couples
So, how can couples apply these insights to their own relationships? A few practical takeaways stand out:
- Don’t rely on stereotypes. Just because culture says women like words and men like actions doesn’t mean it’s true. Pay attention to your partner’s unique preferences.
- Mix it up. Words and actions are not rivals. A love note paired with a thoughtful gesture can create a deeper impact than either alone.
- Listen and adjust. If your partner seems to respond more to one than the other, lean into that — but don’t abandon the other altogether.
- Be intentional. Whether speaking or acting, make sure it comes from a place of sincerity, not obligation.
Read more: 15 Habits of People Who Are Both Humble Yet Impressive
Final Thoughts
This study challenges the idea that love can be neatly divided into fixed “languages.” Instead, it reveals that expressions of affection are dynamic, context-dependent, and deeply tied to sincerity.
For women, actions are often the strongest proof of love, offering reliability that words alone cannot. For men, words may carry more weight than society admits, offering validation and encouragement in a world that doesn’t always grant them space to be vulnerable.
In the end, it’s not a matter of actions vs. words, but how the two are balanced. When expressed with warmth and authenticity, both become powerful tools for connection. Love, it turns out, isn’t just spoken or shown — it’s both.
Featured image: Freepik.
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