Raising a child is one of life’s great adventures—rewarding, surprising and occasionally confusing enough to make even the calmest adult question everything. Kids are constantly learning how to understand their own emotions, and because they don’t yet have the vocabulary or maturity to explain their inner world, their feelings often show up in unusual ways. What looks like “bad behavior” or “just a phase” can actually be a child’s attempt to deal with stress, fear, or emotional overload.
The tricky part? Some of these coping methods seem harmless at first glance. Others feel so familiar that many adults forget they can be red flags. That’s why child psychologists are urging parents, grandparents, teachers, and caregivers to pay attention—not to criticize or overreact, but to understand what a child’s behavior might be trying to say.
Thanks to insights from child psychologists Dr. Jasmine Narayan, PsyD, Dr. Rachel Fein and licensed clinical social worker Claire Lerner, we can take a deeper, clearer and more compassionate look at the behaviors adults often brush aside. They explain what coping mechanisms actually are, why some are harmful long-term, and how grown-ups can gently guide children toward healthier emotional habits.
With the right understanding and support, children can develop emotional tools that last a lifetime. Let’s dive in.
What Exactly Are Coping Mechanisms?
Everyone—kids, teens, adults, even the family pet—finds ways to handle stress. Some of these strategies are healthy, and some… not so much. Coping mechanisms help us regain a sense of control when emotions become too big or situations feel too overwhelming.
As Dr. Narayan explains, coping mechanisms are simply “the ways people deal with stress, big feelings or major life transitions—consciously or unconsciously.” Kids naturally create these strategies because they’re still figuring out how to manage their emotions. But when a child starts depending too heavily on one particular behavior, especially a harmful one, it can signal deeper struggles.
12 Coping Mechanisms Parents and Grandparents Should Never Ignore
Child psychologists agree: these behaviors are messages. Sometimes they whisper. Sometimes they scream. But they always say something important about how a child is coping internally.
1. Getting Angry More Often
Some kids direct their distress outward—hitting, kicking, screaming or throwing objects. While these behaviors look like “misbehavior,” they’re often the only way a child knows to express overwhelm. Kids who can’t describe what they feel will sometimes act it out physically. Ignoring the anger doesn’t make the underlying struggle disappear.
2. Retreating Into Screens
A little screen time is normal. A lot of screen time—especially to avoid boredom, sadness or anxiety—can become an emotional escape hatch. If scrolling, gaming or zoning out becomes a child’s main strategy for avoiding uncomfortable feelings, adults should take notice.
3. Nail-Biting, Skin-Picking or Lip-Chewing
These habits are often self-soothing behaviors. To a stressed child, they bring relief, even if they cause physical harm. Instead of focusing on stopping the habit itself, caregivers should try to understand what’s triggering the stress beneath it.
4. Going Emotionally Blank
Some children shut down when overwhelmed. They go quiet, expressionless or withdrawn, appearing calm on the outside while feeling overloaded on the inside. Kids who learn emotional “shutdown” early may struggle with communication and relationships later in life.
5. Experimenting With Substances (in Older Kids and Teens)
As kids get older, some may turn to substances as a way to numb feelings, fit in, or handle stress. This is one coping method that absolutely cannot be ignored—it can be dangerous and signals a child in need of immediate support.
6. Avoiding Eye Contact, Laughing at Serious Topics or Running Away
These behaviors often occur when a child is flooded with shame or fear of criticism. They aren’t signs of rudeness—they’re signs that the child feels overwhelmed and is trying to protect themselves emotionally.
7. Withdrawing From Friends, Family or Activities
Occasional alone time is healthy. Ongoing isolation—especially when a child stops enjoying things they used to love—is something different. This kind of withdrawal usually signals emotional struggle.
8. Unhealthy Eating Patterns
Food can become comfort, distraction or control. Children might overeat to soothe themselves or restrict food to feel powerful in situations where they feel powerless. Left unaddressed, these patterns can develop into more serious issues later on.
9. Perfectionism
Trying hard is good. Needing everything to be perfect is not. When perfectionism becomes a child’s way of managing anxiety, fear or uncertainty, it becomes a coping mechanism that can drain their mental and emotional energy.
Read more: Trauma Therapist Warns of ‘Invisible’ Parenting Behavior That Harms Children Long-Term
10. Being “Too Good,” “Too Quiet” or Overly Compliant
Some kids cope by becoming extremely agreeable. They’re worried about rejection, conflict or disappointing others, so they try to be perfect or invisible. Adults often overlook these children because they aren’t disruptive—but emotional distress doesn’t always look loud.
11. Healthy Behaviors Taken to an Extreme
Exercise, sports, reading, eating well—these are great habits… until they turn rigid or obsessive. If a child uses a “healthy” activity to avoid emotions, regain control or escape stress, it becomes a coping mechanism worth noticing.
12. Over-Focusing on Others’ Problems
Some children become little caregivers—not because they want to be, but because worrying about others feels safer than facing their own feelings. They may constantly try to fix, soothe or support others, even at the expense of their own emotional needs.
Why Paying Attention to Coping Mechanisms Matters
Coping mechanisms are emotional smoke signals. Ignoring them doesn’t mean the fire goes out; it usually means it burns quietly beneath the surface.
A child who learns to shut down may become an adult who struggles to communicate. A child who people-pleases may grow up fearing boundaries. A child who uses screens or perfectionism to hide stress may later struggle with anxiety or burnout.
The good news? These behaviors are also invitations. They tell adults, “I need help understanding what I’m feeling.” Noticing them early gives caregivers a chance to guide kids toward healthier ways of coping.
How To Support Kids Who Use Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
With patience, consistency and warmth, children can learn new emotional tools. Here’s how adults can help.
1. Connect Before You Correct
Kids open up when they feel safe. Spend time with them doing something they enjoy—no phones, no multitasking. Even 15–30 minutes of genuine, undivided attention can strengthen emotional trust.
2. Stay Curious Instead of Judgmental
Criticism shuts children down. Curiosity invites them to share. Try gentle, observational statements like. These open the door without pressure.
3. Create an Emotionally Safe Space
Being a child’s safe place doesn’t mean allowing any behavior—it means allowing any feeling. When kids know they won’t be shamed or punished for being upset, they learn that emotions aren’t dangerous and don’t need to be hidden.
Read more: According to Parenting Research, This Common Family Habit Can ‘Backfire’ Big Time
4. Model Healthy Coping Yourself
Kids absorb what they see. When adults show healthy emotional habits—taking breaks, breathing deeply, naming feelings calmly—children learn healthier strategies too. Even saying, “I’m frustrated, so I’m taking a moment to calm down,” teaches by example.
5. Get Professional Support When Needed
If a child’s coping methods become intense, frequent or disruptive, a trained mental health professional can help. Therapists provide tools for both children and caregivers, making the process less overwhelming.
Featured image: Freepik.
Friendly Note: FreeJupiter.com shares general information for curious minds. Please fact-check all claims and double-check health info with a qualified professional. 🌱
