The word gaslighting has become a popular buzzword in recent years, often used casually to describe disagreements or misunderstandings. But in psychology, the term has a much deeper and more damaging meaning. True gaslighting involves manipulation—an intentional effort to make someone question their own memory, perception, or reality.
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and the founder of Comprehend the Mind, explains that gaslighting can cause real psychological harm. “It occurs when someone denies facts, twists events, or invalidates emotions in a way that leads another person to doubt themselves,” she says. “Over time, this can make people question whether their feelings or recollections are even valid.”
While gaslighting is often discussed in romantic or family relationships, it can also occur in the workplace—and when it does, it can quietly corrode trust, morale, and productivity. Recognizing the signs of workplace gaslighting can help employees protect their mental well-being and know when it might be time to set boundaries or even move on.
Below are eight subtle phrases that, according to Dr. Hafeez, are commonly used by gaslighting employers—and why they can be so damaging.
Why Gaslighting at Work Is So Harmful
Gaslighting in the workplace doesn’t just hurt feelings—it destabilizes the foundation of professional relationships. When an employer manipulates or invalidates an employee’s experience, it can cause confusion, stress, and self-doubt.
“Manipulators often dismiss emotions as being ‘too sensitive’ or ‘dramatic,’” Dr. Hafeez explains. “This slowly chips away at confidence and makes employees question their own instincts. Eventually, they might start depending on the manipulator’s version of reality.”
The effects go beyond the individual. A gaslighting boss can turn a supportive work environment into a toxic one. Employees become hesitant to share ideas, fearful of being misunderstood or blamed. Mistrust builds, communication falters, and collaboration suffers. “Once resentment starts to grow,” Dr. Hafeez adds, “it’s difficult to rebuild genuine cooperation. Productivity and morale decline because trust is gone.”
In essence, gaslighting poisons the professional atmosphere—it replaces teamwork with tension and growth with defensiveness.
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8 Subtle Phrases Gaslighting Bosses Often Use
Recognizing these phrases can help employees spot manipulation before it takes hold.
1. “We already talked about this in the meeting.”
If a conversation never happened—or was framed differently—this phrase is a major red flag. It subtly shifts blame, making the employee feel forgetful or inattentive. “It suggests the person missed something that may never have been said,” Dr. Hafeez notes. “Over time, this erodes confidence in one’s memory.”
2. “You must have misunderstood the assignment.”
When communication is unclear, some managers shift responsibility rather than own their poor instructions. “This phrase blames the employee for confusion,” says Dr. Hafeez. “It plants self-doubt, even when the directions weren’t properly explained.”
3. “Our numbers are wrong. Check again.”
This one targets logic and data—two things that should be objective. Yet, when a boss insists the numbers are wrong despite evidence, it creates unnecessary anxiety. “By insisting there’s an error that doesn’t exist, the manipulator undermines trust in the employee’s own accuracy,” Dr. Hafeez explains.
4. “That deadline was always today.”
Sometimes deadlines are suddenly moved up, yet a gaslighting employer will insist they’ve always been the same. Even with written proof, they deny the change. “Altering expectations at the last moment creates pressure and confusion,” Dr. Hafeez warns. “It makes employees feel careless when they did nothing wrong.”
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5. “I never approved that request.”
This denial tactic helps the manipulator dodge responsibility. “When approval is later denied—even with written confirmation—it forces the employee to question their recollection,” Dr. Hafeez says. “It’s a form of control that keeps the employee second-guessing themselves.”
6. “I didn’t tell you to do it that way.”
This phrase often emerges after an employee has followed directions to the letter. “It dismisses effort and implies incompetence,” explains Dr. Hafeez. “Gaslighters use it to mask unclear or constantly changing instructions.”
7. “You’re making this project more complicated than it is.”
This one minimizes legitimate struggles. “It downplays real challenges and discourages employees from voicing concerns,” Dr. Hafeez notes. Over time, such comments train workers to stay silent, even when problems arise.
8. “You’re too emotional about this.”
A subtle yet cutting remark, this phrase turns normal emotional responses into a perceived flaw. “Labeling someone as ‘too emotional’ invalidates their feelings and makes them seem irrational,” Dr. Hafeez explains. “It’s one of the most common ways manipulators deflect accountability.”
How to Handle a Gaslighting Boss
Coping with gaslighting at work requires calm, clarity, and support. Dr. Hafeez offers three key strategies to protect your mental space and maintain professionalism.
1. Stay Calm and Don’t React Emotionally
Gaslighters often thrive on emotional reactions. Staying composed removes their leverage. “A calm response communicates confidence,” Dr. Hafeez says. “It also helps you think clearly, which is essential when someone is trying to distort your reality.”
2. Document Everything
Keeping detailed records of meetings, emails, and decisions can be a lifesaver. “Written documentation protects your credibility,” Dr. Hafeez explains. “It reinforces your sense of reality and provides evidence if the situation needs to be escalated.”
Even personal notes—dates, times, and details of conversations—can help employees stay grounded when self-doubt creeps in.
3. Seek Support Outside of Work
Dealing with manipulation day after day is emotionally exhausting. That’s why Dr. Hafeez emphasizes the importance of outside support. “Talk to trusted friends, family, or colleagues,” she advises. “They can validate your experiences and help you gain perspective.”
Sometimes, simply hearing someone confirm that what’s happening is wrong can break the cycle of confusion and self-blame.
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The Bigger Picture
Gaslighting in the workplace might start subtly—a few small denials here, a little blame-shifting there—but its long-term effects can be devastating. It damages confidence, creates mistrust, and pushes capable employees toward burnout or resignation.
Recognizing these manipulative tactics is the first step toward protecting mental and emotional health. A healthy workplace thrives on transparency, respect, and communication—not distortion or denial.
As Dr. Hafeez’s insights remind us, standing firm in one’s truth, documenting interactions, and seeking outside perspective aren’t just defensive moves—they’re powerful ways to reclaim confidence and clarity in the workplace.
Featured image: Freepik.
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