In a world where opinions travel faster than the speed of Wi-Fi, it’s ridiculously easy to fall into the trap of wanting everyone’s thumbs-up. Whether it’s refreshing your notifications, wondering if your boss secretly disliked your last idea, or overanalyzing a friend’s short reply, approval can start to feel like oxygen. And yet, deep down, most of us know we weren’t meant to live as walking surveys.
The good news? You can absolutely step out of that cycle. You can build a quieter, sturdier kind of confidence—the kind that doesn’t wobble every time someone else reacts. Below are twenty steps to help you move toward that kind of inner steadiness and finally give yourself the validation you’ve been outsourcing.
1. Start With Getting to Know Yourself
Before you can live authentically, you need to know what “authentic” even means for you. Spend time examining your values, preferences, dreams, and quirks. Journaling, meditating, or simply taking quiet moments each day can help. When you understand who you are, you won’t need external approval to confirm it.
Raed more: Psychology Says These 8 Qualities Reveal a Truly Beautiful Soul
2. Notice When You’re Chasing Validation
We all get a little boost when someone compliments us—but that boost can turn into a craving. Pay attention to decisions that are driven by “What will people think?” instead of “What feels right for me?” Awareness is the first step to change.
3. Set Boundaries—and Actually Keep Them
Boundaries aren’t just for relationships; they’re also emotional guardrails. Decide what kind of behavior you will accept, how much access people have to you, and how you respond to pressure. Holding these boundaries teaches others—and yourself—that you respect your own needs.
4. Become Your Own Source of Validation
Instead of waiting for someone else to clap for you, learn to clap for yourself. Celebrate your progress, acknowledge your effort, and recognize your resilience. This internal approval is far more stable than relying on other people’s moods or attention spans.
5. Limit Social Media’s Influence
Platforms built around likes and comments can accidentally turn your self-worth into a public scoreboard. Take breaks, mute accounts that make you feel inadequate, and curate your digital world to support—not drain—your confidence.
6. Keep Company With People Who Don’t Need You to Perform
Genuine people accept you as you are, not as you “should” be. Spend more time with those who value honesty and depth rather than surface-level image. Safe relationships make it easier to stop performing for applause.
7. Accept That Universal Approval Is Impossible
Even the most lovable humans aren’t universally liked. Someone somewhere will misunderstand you, judge you, or simply not vibe with you. That’s normal. Releasing the impossible task of pleasing everyone frees up energy for actually living your own life.
8. Treat Yourself With Compassion
Instead of beating yourself up for mistakes, practice talking to yourself the way you’d talk to someone you care about. A gentle inner voice builds resilience and reduces the urge to seek comfort from outside approval.
9. Invest in Your Personal Growth
Read, learn, explore ideas, ask questions, try new things. The more you grow, the more grounded you become in your own judgment. Growth naturally generates confidence, which makes external validation matter less.
10. Keep a Record of Wins and Strengths
On days when self-doubt creeps in, look back at your achievements, your growth, and the obstacles you’ve overcome. Your past successes prove that your worth isn’t dependent on what others say about you.
11. Let Yourself Be Vulnerable—On Purpose
Being open about who you are removes the pressure to maintain a polished image. Vulnerability invites genuine connection and reminds you that you don’t need to be perfect to be valuable.
Read more: 15 Signs You’re Stepping Into a Completely New Chapter of Life
12. Understand That Not All Criticism Is Worth Keeping
Some feedback helps you grow; some simply reflects someone else’s mood, bias, or insecurity. Learn to sort the helpful from the harmful. Once you do, you’ll stop treating every opinion like a verdict on your character.
13. Make Decisions for Yourself, Not for an Audience
Before saying yes, no, or “let me think about it,” pause and check your motivation. Are you acting from your own intentions—or from fear of how someone else might react? Practicing this pause builds independence.
14. Create a Personal Affirmation You Can Lean On
Affirmations aren’t magic spells—but they do reorient your mind. Choose one that strengthens your self-trust, such as “I honor my own judgment” or “My worth isn’t based on others’ approval.” Repeat it when you feel shaky.
15. Practice Gratitude for the Qualities You Already Have
Notice what you appreciate about yourself: your patience, creativity, humor, resilience, or anything that makes you uniquely you. Gratitude shifts your mindset from “Do they like me?” to “I value myself.”
16. Celebrate Your Daily Wins
Self-worth isn’t built only from major achievements. It grows from small, consistent moments—speaking up, setting a boundary, saying no, resting when needed, or choosing honesty over people-pleasing. Celebrate these wins often.
17. Build Fewer but Deeper Relationships
You don’t need dozens of people who barely know you—you need a handful who truly see you. Deep, authentic connections create a sense of belonging that doesn’t depend on approval.
18. Reconnect With the Things You Loved as a Child
Think about activities you enjoyed before you ever cared about being judged—drawing, climbing trees, reading for hours, singing badly but loudly. Revisiting these passions reminds you that joy doesn’t require an audience.
19. Learn to Sit With Discomfort Instead of Fixing It Immediately
Many people-pleasers try to soothe tension instantly: apologizing too fast, softening their opinions, or changing themselves to avoid conflict. Practice tolerating the uncomfortable moment instead of rushing to fix it. This builds emotional strength and breaks the approval habit.
Read more: Psychologists Say These 12 Traits Show You’re Stepping Into Your Main Character Era
20. Take Actions That Align With Your Values, Even If No One Notices
The most powerful confidence comes from living in harmony with your values—not from someone applauding you for it. Whether it’s kindness, honesty, creativity, or independence, choose actions that reflect who you want to be. Approval becomes irrelevant when you’re living in alignment.
Featured image: Freepik.
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