When the phrase “eldest daughter syndrome” began circulating online, it struck a nerve. Social media filled with stories from firstborn girls who felt they had been handed a second job in childhood. They were the organizers, the helpers, the built in babysitters, the emotional glue of the family. The term gave language to something many women had long felt but rarely named.
But as the conversation grew, another question started to surface. What about eldest sons. Do they also feel the weight of being first. The answer, it turns out, is yes. The pressure may look different, but it is very real.
The Unofficial Assistant Parent
For Brian K. Seymour II, responsibility arrived early and stayed. As the oldest of four children, he grew up with two younger brothers and a sister. Taking care of them was not presented as a choice. It was simply how life worked in their home.
When his parents were at work, he was the one making sure snacks were eaten and homework was finished. He knew that free time only came after tasks were completed. If they went outside, it had to be in the courtyard. No wandering to other houses. In the mornings, the four of them walked to school together. After classes ended, he waited so they could all walk home as a group.
As he grew older, the list expanded. Trash needed to be taken out. The dog needed attention. Babysitting duties increased. Payment was not part of the arrangement. It was considered part of being the oldest.
Seymour jokes that as a kid he knew how to use a microwave, ignore the doorbell and rescue a princess on his Nintendo. Humor aside, his story reflects a common pattern. Many firstborn children grow up feeling responsible for others long before adulthood officially begins.
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When “Eldest Daughter Syndrome” Went Viral
The phrase eldest daughter syndrome gained traction because it validated something deeply felt. Many firstborn girls were praised for being mature, dependable and helpful. They often carried household duties and emotional labor that younger siblings did not.
Psychotherapist Jen Loong Goodwin, founder of LifeLoong Therapy and host of the podcast For Good Daughters’ Sake, has spoken about how this dynamic forms. When girls step into caregiving roles, they are often rewarded. Being called helpful or mature feels affirming. Over time, those words shape identity. Responsibility becomes part of who they believe they are.
Boys, on the other hand, are often encouraged to explore and test boundaries. They may still take on duties, but they are less likely to be defined by them. The difference is not always in the tasks themselves. It is in how those tasks are framed.
Seymour noticed this contrast when talking with his wife, who was also the oldest child in her family. He had certain freedoms she did not. As a teenage boy, he was allowed to use his father’s car, go on dates and explore Oahu with friends with limited supervision. Meanwhile, his wife’s parents took extra steps to limit her independence, including placing her bedroom in a less accessible part of the house.
The responsibilities were there for both of them. The boundaries around freedom were not the same.
Eldest Sons and a Different Kind of Expectation
For eldest sons, the pressure often shifts from daily chores to legacy and identity. Tara M. Lally, chief psychologist at Ocean University Medical Center, explains that firstborn boys may feel expected to carry on the family name, take over a business or become the future provider. They can be treated as future authority figures within the family.
Psychotherapist John Puls of Full Life Comprehensive Care notes that eldest sons may also be expected to work earlier, protect younger siblings and become what some call the man of the house.
In other words, eldest daughters may be praised for being dependable caretakers. Eldest sons may be shaped into protectors and leaders. Both roles carry weight. They simply rest on different parts of the shoulders.
Birth Order Theory and the Firstborn Personality
The idea that birth order influences personality has been around for over a century. It was first introduced by Austrian psychotherapist Alfred Adler. According to his theory, firstborn children often develop traits tied to responsibility and rule following. They may be more comfortable with leadership because they were placed in that position early in life.
Research has found interesting patterns. Some studies suggest firstborns are more likely to pursue higher education and earn higher incomes than their younger siblings. Another study found that chief executive officers are more likely to be firstborn children.
Seymour fits that profile. He is the founder and CEO of Prosperitage Wealth in Atlanta. He believes the pressure he felt growing up helped shape his ambition. Without that early sense of responsibility, he doubts he would have taken the leap to start his own firm.
Yet the pressure has not faded with time. As the first in his family to attend college, marry and have children, he feels an ongoing need to set the example. Being successful in high school is one thing. Building a stable and meaningful adult life is another. The stakes feel higher now.
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The Hidden Costs of Being the Example
While some firstborns thrive under responsibility, others struggle. A 2024 report from Epic Research found that oldest and only children may face a higher risk of anxiety and depression in adulthood. One possible explanation is parentification. This occurs when a child takes on a parental role too early.
When a young person feels responsible for siblings or for managing family stress, it can create a lasting sense of hyper responsibility. That constant pressure to be perfect or to hold everything together does not always disappear with age.
The challenge is balance. Responsibility can build confidence and leadership skills. Too much responsibility, especially without emotional support, can create burnout and resentment.
Eldest Sons Deserve Recognition Too
The viral attention around eldest daughter syndrome opened an important conversation about invisible labor and gender expectations. Expanding that conversation to include eldest sons brings it closer to reality.
Firstborn boys may not always be described as emotional anchors in the same way firstborn girls are. Yet many carry expectations tied to strength, protection and financial success. They may feel pressure to succeed publicly rather than manage privately. The form changes. The weight remains.
Understanding birth order dynamics helps families create healthier patterns. It encourages parents to see each child as an individual rather than as a role to be filled.
Responsibility can be a gift. It can teach resilience, empathy and leadership. But when it becomes a life sentence instead of a choice, it can also become a burden.
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The goal is not to remove responsibility from the eldest child. It is to make sure responsibility does not replace childhood. Every child, whether son or daughter, deserves to be valued not only for what they manage, carry or fix, but for who they are.
As conversations about family dynamics continue to evolve, one thing is clear. The experience of being the oldest child is complex. It can shape ambition and character. It can also shape stress and self expectation. Recognizing both sides allows families to build homes where leadership grows naturally, without becoming a lifelong weight.
Featured image: Freepik.
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