At 96 years old, Betty Parker has heard more than enough about backaches, knee pain, and doctor visits. Frankly, she’d rather talk about the good stuff—like the roses blooming in her garden, the latest book she’s reading, or the card games she plays with friends.
And while she might jokingly admit that baking pies is more of a memory than a current hobby (store-bought will do just fine), Parker says her later years have been surprisingly fulfilling. Full of meaning. Full of laughter. And—most importantly—full of connection.
Turns out, those connections might matter just as much as exercise or diet when it comes to living a long, satisfying life.
Beyond Living Longer: Living Well
According to Dr. Kerry Burnight, a gerontologist based in California (and Parker’s daughter), a long life isn’t necessarily a good one unless you’re actively enjoying it. Sure, eating healthy and staying physically strong matter. But so does keeping loneliness and social isolation at bay.
“Life expectancy has definitely improved,” adds Dr. John Batsis, a geriatrician and professor at the University of North Carolina. “But we want people to live good years, not just more years.”
In case you’re wondering: a geriatrician is a doctor who treats older adults, while a gerontologist like Burnight focuses on the science and psychology of aging itself. Together, they help people not just add years to life—but life to years.
Burnight has boiled down what she believes are the four biggest ingredients to a satisfying, vibrant later life:
- Growing
- Connecting
- Adapting
- Giving
And here’s the best part—these aren’t just ideas for retirees. They’re habits anyone can start practicing now, no matter their age.
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Step One: Don’t Wait to Enjoy Your Life
Whether you’re in your 30s or 70s, it’s never too soon—or too late—to start shaping a life you enjoy.
If retirement is still a few years off, now’s the perfect time to imagine what your daily life could look like when you no longer clock in for work. Many people experience what experts call “the retirement cliff”—a sudden loss of structure, purpose, and social contact that can feel jarring.
Dr. Batsis recommends easing into it. Start dabbling in hobbies or interests you might want to explore later—while you’re still working.
Already retired? No problem. Burnight says that the post-career phase is actually the ideal time to try something new—like writing a book, learning a skill, or even launching a project you’ve always dreamed about.
“It’s not too late,” she says. “In fact, it’s the perfect time to redefine your purpose.”
Step Two: Keep Your Brain and Body Busy—with Things You Like
Sure, Sudoku and crosswords are fun. But if you really want to keep your brain sharp, try learning something completely new.
According to Burnight, our brains thrive on challenge. This concept is called neuroplasticity—your brain’s ability to grow and change, even as you age. Doing the same thing over and over won’t cut it. It’s the new stuff that really gets your neurons firing.
One of Dr. Batsis’s patients, for instance, picked up golf after retiring. But he didn’t stop there—he also taught himself to play the guitar, even though he never thought he had musical talent. That one bold step opened up an entirely new world of music, concerts, and community for him.
Bonus points if the new activity gets you moving. As Batsis puts it, “The less you move, the less you can move.” Staying physically active helps keep your options open as you get older.
The key? Don’t force it. Hated books as a kid? You probably won’t become a library regular in your 70s. Choose things that naturally spark your curiosity, energy, or joy.
And for those caring for older loved ones: resist the urge to do everything for them. Let them do what they’re capable of—because small challenges help people stay sharp and independent.
Step Three: Mix Up Your Social Circle
Every month, Parker plays canasta with “the youngs”—a group of women in their 60s whom she met through her daughter-in-law.
They may be decades younger, but Parker says those friendships are essential. She’s already outlived her husband and many old friends. Newer—and younger—connections keep her social life diverse and thriving.
Just like you wouldn’t put all your money into one stock, Burnight suggests diversifying your social portfolio.
Reach out to:
- Friends from your neighborhood
- Younger folks with fresh perspectives
- Old pals you’ve lost touch with (hello, social media!)
Even simple daily interactions—a chat with your barista, a hello to your neighbor—can blossom into meaningful relationships.
Most importantly? Be proactive. Be the one who makes the call, plans the lunch, remembers the birthday. Loneliness doesn’t fix itself. Connection takes effort—but it’s one of the most powerful tools we have for well-being.
“You have to be the friend,” says Burnight. “Show up. Make the call. Sit by the hospital bed. Drive someone to their chemo appointment.”
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Step Four: Learn to Adapt—and Keep Giving
Parker’s life hasn’t been without setbacks. She misses tennis. She sometimes needs a walker. But none of that has stopped her from joining her family for laughs, spending time in her garden, or even riding in a Fourth of July parade.
Getting older comes with change. But thriving through it is about how you respond to those changes.
“It’s not wrong to face tough stuff,” Burnight says. “It’s just part of the deal. What matters is your mindset and how you adapt.”
And that mindset—how you think about aging—can literally affect how long you live. Research shows that people who believe aging is a time of growth live, on average, 7.5 years longer than those who view it as a slow decline.
So instead of shrinking your world, look for ways to keep expanding it.
Burnight also emphasizes the power of giving. Whether it’s sharing your time, your talents, or even just your attention, giving boosts joy, meaning, and—yep—longevity.
Worried it sounds overwhelming? Start small. Really small.
- Share fruit from your garden
- Babysit for a neighbor
- Paint a picture
- Call someone who’s going through a hard time
Giving doesn’t have to mean grand gestures. Often, the tiniest kindnesses have the biggest impact—on others and yourself.
Read more: How Much Alcohol Does It Really Take To Cut Your Life Short? Scientists Reveal The Shocking Numbers
Final Thoughts: The Secret Is in the Small Things
Living vibrantly into your 90s (and beyond) isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up for your own life. A little purpose here. A little connection there. A few new adventures sprinkled in.
“Purpose is small,” Burnight says. “It’s daily. It’s a decision. It’s asking yourself, ‘Today, how will I use the fact that I’m still alive?’”
You don’t need to be 96 like Betty Parker to start asking that question. The best time to begin is now—no matter where you are in life.
