Cats have long enchanted people with their mysterious, sometimes puzzling behavior. While dogs often wear their hearts on their furry sleeves, cats play it cool. Because of this, some people think cats are cold, snobbish, or simply not that into us. But according to feline behavior expert Amanda Campion, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Cats, she says, are just misunderstood.
In reality, cats are deeply complex creatures who show love in subtle and unique ways. Unlike dogs, who may instantly shower you with affection, cats prefer a slower, more refined approach. Their love is something you earn—through trust, consistency, and a bit of patience.
“You have to let your cat lead the way,” Campion explains. “Each cat is an individual with its own personality. You wouldn’t compare one friend to another—same goes for your cat.”
So, how do you know if your cat truly loves you? Here are four key signs—some obvious, some delightfully unexpected.
1. They Touch You (Even in Weird Ways)
One of the clearest signs your cat likes you is simple: they touch you. But not always in the cuddly, snuggly way you might expect.
Cats may gently nibble on you—what Campion refers to as “love bites.” (Don’t confuse these with the sharper nips that say, “Okay, I’m done playing now.”) Another classic sign is “kneading,” or what cat lovers call “making biscuits.” That rhythmic paw-pushing action? It’s a leftover habit from kittenhood, when baby cats kneaded their mother’s belly to help with milk flow. Now, they do it to show comfort and trust.
And if your cat bumps their head against you? That’s a big deal. It’s not just affectionate—it’s territorial, in the sweetest way. They’re marking you with their facial scent, saying, “You’re mine, and I like it that way.”
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2. They Choose to Be Near You (Even If It’s Not on Your Lap)
Not all cats are lap loungers. Some may prefer to sit beside you—or even across the room—but still within sight. And that matters.
“Cats show affection in all kinds of ways,” says Campion. “Some will climb into your lap, others will lie nearby, just enjoying your presence.” You might also find your cat curled up on your worn-out sweatshirt or snuggled into a pile of your laundry. Why? Because it smells like you, and that makes them feel safe.
Proximity is powerful in the cat world. Being close—without necessarily being touchy—is one of their quiet ways of saying, “I like being around you.”
3. They Let Their Guard Down Around You
Cats are natural-born hunters and are always on alert. That’s part of why it’s so meaningful when they show you their soft, vulnerable side.
If your cat gives you a slow blink (often dubbed a “cat kiss”), that’s a glowing endorsement. It’s their way of saying they trust you. You can return the gesture by slow-blinking back—it’s one of the few ways you can truly speak their language.
Then there’s the belly reveal. When a cat shows you its stomach, it’s the ultimate sign of trust. But don’t assume it’s an open invitation for belly rubs—some cats will tolerate it, others won’t. Sometimes just showing the belly is the entire message: “I feel safe with you.”
4. They Show Off When You’re Around
When your cat struts over with their tail held high like a furry flagpole, it’s not just dramatic flair. It’s a sign of joy. “Some cats will run up to you with their tail straight up when you walk in the door,” Campion notes. “That’s their way of saying they’re happy to see you.”
And don’t be surprised if they bring you gifts—whether it’s a favorite toy, a crumpled piece of paper, or (gulp) something less pleasant from outside. Gift-giving, as odd as it may seem, is another way cats show affection. It’s their way of saying, “I thought you might like this,” even if you definitely do not.
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Building a Better Relationship With Your Cat
Now, what if your cat doesn’t do any of these things? Don’t panic. It doesn’t mean they dislike you. In fact, Campion says most cat-human issues come down to misunderstanding—not a lack of affection.
“Over 97% of the time, if a cat is unhappy, it’s not because they’re a ‘problem cat’—they’re a cat with a problem,” she says.
A cat’s background matters. Were they socialized with people as kittens? Are they used to children or men? What kind of experiences have they had before meeting you? Breed, early life, and even previous trauma all shape how they relate to humans. That’s why it’s important not to take anything personally.
If you’re adopting a rescue cat, Campion recommends learning all you can about their early life—or what behaviorists call their “antecedents.” These clues can help you better understand why your cat acts the way they do.
Start With the Basics
Before you dive into bonding games and affection experiments, make sure your cat’s basic needs are being met.
- Clean food and water: And yes, clean really means clean. Don’t just swap out water—wash the bowl or bottle regularly. “Would you drink from a cup that hadn’t been cleaned for days?” Campion asks. “Neither should your cat.”
- A tidy litter box: Just like you wouldn’t want to use a dirty bathroom, cats prefer their litter box to be fresh and odor-free.
- Quiet time: Cats sleep a lot, and they value undisturbed rest. If your cat is napping, let them be.
- Playtime: Interactive play helps your cat express natural hunting instincts and gives them much-needed mental stimulation. Wand toys, feather chasers, or even a laser pointer can go a long way.
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Learn Your Cat’s Language
At the end of the day, the most important thing you can do is really get to know your cat. Like people, every cat has its quirks, likes, dislikes, and routines. Understanding those little signals—the twitch of a tail, the angle of their ears, the places they choose to nap—can help you build a relationship that’s grounded in trust and respect.
“You’ve got to decode your cat’s behavior,” Campion says. “Get to know their personality. That’s how love is built—with patience, understanding, and the occasional head bump.”