No one says “I do” expecting it to turn into “I’m done.” And yet, divorce happens—sometimes suddenly, sometimes after years of quiet unraveling. While no relationship is doomed from the start, there are certain patterns and behaviors that, according to researchers, tend to show up in couples who eventually go their separate ways.
Here’s a look at 20 of those red flags—not to spark panic, but to offer a little clarity. Think of it as relationship weather forecasting: you can’t control the storm, but knowing the signs helps you prepare.
1. Getting Married Too Young—or Too Late
Timing isn’t everything, but it sure plays a role. Studies suggest that people who marry in their late teens or early twenties are more likely to divorce. Chalk it up to personal growth—people change a lot during that stage.
Interestingly, waiting too long can also bring its own challenges. Couples who marry after age 32 face a higher risk of divorce too, possibly due to more rigid habits or lofty expectations.
2. Showing Contempt for Your Partner
If there’s one behavior that seems to guarantee relationship doom, it’s contempt. Eye rolls, sarcastic jabs, or treating your partner like they’re inferior sends a loud message: “I don’t respect you.” And according to relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman, that’s the fastest path to Splitsville.
3. Avoiding Conflict Completely
No fights might sound like bliss, but silence isn’t always golden. When couples avoid difficult conversations, problems tend to pile up quietly in the background. Over time, that unspoken tension can turn into full-blown emotional distance.
Read more: Brutally Honest Reasons Older Women Say They Are Done With Dating
4. Different Approaches to Money
Money matters—whether it’s how you spend it, save it, or stress over it. One partner might love budgeting, while the other lives for spontaneous splurges. Without financial alignment (or at least understanding), resentment often takes root.
5. A Decline in Physical Intimacy
Touch connects people. When physical affection fades—less kissing, hugging, or, yes, sex—it’s usually a sign that something deeper is off. Relationships that lack intimacy can start to feel more like roommates than romantic partners.
6. Growing Emotional Distance
You don’t need to sleep in separate beds to feel worlds apart. Sometimes the biggest distance isn’t physical—it’s emotional. If you no longer turn to each other for comfort, share your thoughts, or even just talk about your day, the emotional glue starts to dry up.
7. Disagreeing on Parenting Styles
Raising kids can bring couples closer—or drive a wedge between them. If you argue constantly over discipline, screen time, or bedtime routines, it creates ongoing friction. When one parent’s rules feel like rebellion to the other, conflict is unavoidable.
8. A Family History of Divorce
Divorce can run in families—not because it’s genetic, but because we often carry patterns from our upbringing. People whose parents divorced might enter relationships with a different outlook on commitment or conflict resolution, and that can influence their own marriage dynamics.
9. No Shared Interests
Having your own hobbies is healthy. But when couples don’t enjoy any activities together, it gets harder to bond. Those shared movie nights, weekend hikes, or silly dance parties in the kitchen? They help keep the spark alive.
10. Social Media Causing Trouble
Our phones might connect us to the world, but they can disconnect us from our partners. Secret messages, flirty comments, or spending more time scrolling than talking can make a spouse feel neglected—or even betrayed.
11. Unresolved Addiction Issues
Addiction adds a heavy burden to any relationship. When one partner is dealing with substance use, the other often ends up carrying the emotional and logistical load. Trust erodes, arguments escalate, and the relationship can become more about managing chaos than building connection.
12. Friends or Family Who Don’t Approve
Support systems matter. If your loved ones never warmed up to your spouse—or vice versa—it can put pressure on the relationship. Constant criticism or subtle disapproval can cause couples to second-guess their choices or feel torn between loyalty and love.
13. Keeping Score in Arguments
Ever bring up that one time from three years ago—again? That’s scorekeeping, and it doesn’t help. Relationships work better when partners forgive and move forward, not when they keep tallying each other’s wrongs like referees in an emotional boxing match.
Read more: Powerful Traits That Define Truly Kind People—And Make Them Incredibly Resilient
14. Putting Work First, Marriage Second
Ambition is admirable, but if your job takes over your life, your relationship may take the hit. Late nights, weekend emails, and chronic stress leave little room for connection. Love needs attention—just like those work deadlines.
15. One Person Doing All the Emotional Labor
Remembering anniversaries, scheduling doctor’s appointments, handling the kids’ school emails—if one partner handles all the “invisible” responsibilities, it breeds burnout. Emotional labor imbalance can leave one person feeling like a manager instead of a teammate.
16. Never Apologizing or Owning Mistakes
Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t make you weak—it makes you wise. Refusing to admit when you’re wrong (or acting like you’re never wrong) makes little issues grow into relationship rifts. Accountability builds trust. Denial builds walls.
17. Different Ideas About Commitment
Commitment means different things to different people. For some, it’s about loyalty no matter what. For others, it’s about effort as long as it feels right. If one partner is all-in and the other is halfway out, the relationship’s foundation starts to wobble.
18. Poor Communication Habits
Yelling, shutting down, sarcasm, or pretending everything’s fine when it’s not—these patterns quietly sabotage relationships. Healthy communication isn’t about avoiding conflict; it’s about navigating it with respect and care.
19. Letting the Kids Take Over the Relationship
Kids need love and attention, but so does your marriage. If every conversation is about homework, snacks, or soccer practice, and there’s no “just us” time, intimacy fades. A couple that forgets to nurture their bond risks losing it altogether.
20. No More Fun or Laughter
When was the last time you really laughed together? Playfulness might seem frivolous, but it’s the glue that helps couples weather serious storms. Inside jokes, silly moments, or shared joy remind you that love isn’t just about surviving—it’s about enjoying the ride.
Read more: Excuses You Make When You Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back
Final Thoughts
None of these signs are automatic dealbreakers. Relationships are complicated, and no one gets it right 100% of the time. But recognizing these red flags early can help you course-correct before you hit the rocks. After all, love isn’t just about finding the right person—it’s about being the right partner, too.
