You can tell an awful lot about a person by how they treat someone who serves them food.
For anyone who has ever worked in hospitality, this truth is practically carved into muscle memory. Whether it’s running plates in a high-end dining room or handing coffee through a drive-thru window, the way guests speak often reveals far more than they realize.
Most customers are polite, patient, and even delightful. But then there are those who seem to forget that the person taking their order is a human being — not a vending machine for their convenience. Their lack of empathy usually slips out in the words they choose, disguised as impatience or frustration.
If we truly care about being decent humans (and better diners), it starts with small, everyday choices — like how we talk to those who make our meals possible.
Below are eight common phrases that quietly reveal a lack of compassion, along with kinder, more constructive ways to express the same thought.
1. “Can you hurry up? We have somewhere to be.”
Everyone’s been pressed for time. Maybe you have concert tickets, a movie starting soon, or a hungry child whose bedtime is creeping closer by the minute. But telling a server to “hurry up” doesn’t speed anything along — it just transfers your stress onto them.
Behind the scenes, a single server might be juggling eight tables, remembering a dozen modifications, coordinating timing with the kitchen, and calculating how long each course will take. You might only see your table, but they’re managing the entire orchestra.
When you demand faster service, it often implies they aren’t already doing their best. And in most cases, they are — sometimes at an exhausting pace.
What to say instead: Try approaching it as teamwork rather than tension.
- “We’re a bit short on time — what’s realistic for the kitchen right now?”
- “Would it help if we ordered everything together to save time?”
These questions invite collaboration rather than command. Often, your server will know which dishes are quickest to prepare and can help you plan accordingly. A little communication can make the experience smoother for both sides.
Read more: 12 Phrases That Reveal Someone Is Struggling More Than They Want To Admit
2. “Are you even listening?”
Restaurants can feel like organized chaos. Music hums in the background, conversations overlap, espresso machines hiss, and servers listen to three people at once — the chef shouting “table six,” the bar calling “pickup,” and you trying to order your meal.
It’s easy for small details to get lost in the noise. But when you say, “Are you even listening?” it turns a correctable miscommunication into a personal attack. Instead of helping, it shames the person in front of you and usually causes them to shut down or become defensive.
Empathy starts with remembering that most mistakes aren’t intentional — they’re human.
What to say instead: “Let me repeat that just to be sure I was clear,” or “Just confirming, no dairy on that one, right?”
This phrasing keeps the tone polite, helps prevent errors, and protects everyone’s dignity.
3. “Get me someone who knows what they’re doing.”
This phrase lands like a punch. It implies the person helping you is incompetent and unworthy of basic respect.
Maybe your server is new and still learning the ropes. Maybe they’re covering an extra section because a coworker called in sick. Or maybe the system glitched — because technology fails even in five-star places.
Demanding “someone who knows what they’re doing” doesn’t just embarrass the server; it can ruin their night. It tells them they aren’t good enough in front of their peers, customers, and managers. Many hospitality workers leave the industry after enduring nights like that — and the ones who stay often lose the spark that made them great.
What to say instead: “Could we ask a manager for help with this?”
It’s assertive but respectful. You’re still addressing the issue, but you’re doing it without humiliating anyone in the process.
Remember: kindness doesn’t weaken your complaint — it strengthens your character.
4. “Tell the kitchen they messed up. I want it comped.”
Here’s the thing: mistakes in restaurants are inevitable. Maybe your burger arrived undercooked or your pasta came with cheese when you asked for none. It happens — humans are cooking, after all.
But jumping straight to “I want it comped” skips past problem-solving and goes straight to punishment. It assumes the restaurant did something malicious, rather than simply making an honest error.
Comping a meal should be the restaurant’s decision, used as a gesture of goodwill — not a tool for revenge.
What to say instead: “This isn’t quite right — could it be remade?” or “I have a dairy allergy, so this might need to be redone.”
This kind of phrasing gives the staff a chance to correct things quickly. And when guests handle mistakes with grace, the response is usually generous — maybe a free dessert, a drink, or just genuine appreciation.
A calm tone invites cooperation; a hostile one shuts it down.
Read more: 3 Ways Narcissists Show Their “Love,” According to Psychologists
5. “Smile, will you?”
On the surface, this might sound harmless, but it’s one of the most dismissive things you can say. Telling someone to “smile” suggests that their primary job is to look cheerful for your comfort — rather than to do their actual work.
Servers are humans, not robots programmed to beam endlessly. They may be managing pain, exhaustion, or stress from a double shift. Expecting a constant grin ignores the emotional labor that service work already demands.
True hospitality isn’t about a forced smile. It’s about presence, attentiveness, and care. Some of the best servers are calm, quiet, and deeply observant — they notice when your glass is empty, remember your usual order, and respect your space. That’s what genuine service looks like.
What to say instead: “Thanks for taking care of us,” or “We really appreciate your help tonight.”
Those simple words create connection without demanding performance.
If a server seems stressed, you might even offer understanding: “Looks like it’s a busy night — we appreciate all you’re doing.” You’ll be surprised how far that little bit of compassion can go.
6. “That’s not my problem.”
Few phrases drain empathy faster than this one.
Maybe the fryer broke, the delivery truck didn’t show, or a dish ran out before your order hit the kitchen. Responding with “That’s not my problem” creates an invisible wall between you and everyone trying to help.
When we say that, we’re really saying, “Your reality doesn’t matter to me.” But in hospitality, everything works better when both sides stay on the same team — even when things go wrong.
What to say instead: “That’s tough — what are our options?”
This turns frustration into cooperation. The kitchen might substitute a similar dish, offer something complimentary, or find another creative solution. Staying calm and compassionate gives the staff room to problem-solve, and more often than not, you’ll walk away pleasantly surprised.
7. “I don’t tip for service like this.”
This one isn’t feedback — it’s punishment.
Yes, tipping culture can be complicated and unfair, but refusing to tip out of anger rarely teaches anyone a lesson. It only hurts the very people who rely on those tips to make ends meet — servers, bussers, hosts, and even dishwashers who share in the tip pool.
A bad shift might be caused by short staffing, slow kitchens, or technical problems — things your server often can’t control. By withholding tips as retaliation, you’re not addressing the real issue; you’re just adding another burden.
What to do instead: If the service truly missed the mark, ask to speak with a manager and calmly explain what went wrong. Leave constructive feedback instead of resentment. That’s how change happens.
And if the experience was okay but not great, still tip fairly. Consistency shows maturity — and kindness always leaves a stronger impression than cruelty.
Read more: What the Heck Does “6 7” Mean? Gen Alpha’s New Slang Explained
8. “You people always mess things up.”
This phrase is where frustration crosses into disrespect.
When someone says, “You people,” they’re lumping an entire team — or sometimes an entire group — into a single insult. It’s not just rude; it’s dehumanizing. It erases individuality and replaces it with blame.
Every restaurant is run by a team of people trying to synchronize dozens of moving parts: cooks, bartenders, food runners, dishwashers, and managers. When something goes wrong, it’s rarely because “you people” failed — it’s usually just one tiny glitch in a complex process.
What to say instead: “This seems to keep happening — is there a way to prevent it this time?”
This phrasing keeps the tone neutral and solution-oriented. It opens the door for improvement instead of resentment.
Hospitality works best when everyone communicates clearly and respectfully — because at the end of the day, no one’s perfect, and everyone deserves patience.
Featured image: Freepik.
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