The concept of family often comes wrapped in words like loyalty, love, and forever. From an early age, society teaches that parents should be the ultimate source of safety and care. Popular culture reinforces the idea that “blood is thicker than water,” implying that family bonds are unbreakable, no matter what happens.
But reality is far more complicated. Sometimes the people society expects us to trust the most are the ones who cause the most harm. And while healthy relationships with parents can be a source of strength, unhealthy ones can drain mental health, stunt personal growth, and, in extreme cases, threaten safety.
There’s a social stigma surrounding the idea of distancing yourself—or going completely “no contact”—from parents. People might insist, “But they’re your family,” as if that alone should erase years of harm. Yet biological connection is not a free pass to treat someone poorly. In truth, choosing to protect yourself from ongoing damage can be one of the most self-loving actions you ever take.
Psychologists note that family estrangement is more common than many realize. Studies from the University of Cambridge and the American Psychological Association have found that millions of adults have limited or no contact with at least one family member, often due to repeated patterns of toxic behavior. While the decision is deeply personal and emotionally complex, it is sometimes necessary to preserve mental health, physical safety, and personal autonomy.
Here are eight behaviors that may signal it’s time to set firmer boundaries—or step away entirely.
1. They Physically Harm You or Make You Feel Unsafe
Abuse is a word that can feel heavy, but it’s important to call it what it is. Physical harm from a parent—whether it’s hitting, shoving, restraining, or even destroying your property in an intimidating way—is not discipline, love, or “just how families are.” It is abuse.
The damage from such behavior is not only physical but also emotional. Living in constant fear of someone you are supposed to trust can lead to anxiety, hypervigilance, and difficulty forming healthy relationships later in life.
Cruelty toward pets falls under this category as well. Research has shown a strong link between animal cruelty and other forms of violence. If a parent harms an animal in your care or uses it to control you emotionally, that’s a serious red flag.
In these cases, physical distance and legal protection aren’t overreactions—they’re essential safety measures. Authorities, shelters, and advocacy groups exist to provide options when a home environment becomes unsafe.
Read more: What ‘Gentle Parenting’ Really Does For Your Kids
2. They Steal From You or Exploit You Financially
Trust is one of the foundations of any relationship, and theft shatters it instantly. When a parent takes money, assets, or possessions without permission—or manipulates you into handing them over—it sends a clear message: your needs do not matter as much as their wants.
Financial exploitation within families can look different depending on circumstances. It might involve secretly using your bank account, taking control of your earnings, pressuring you into loans, or selling your belongings. In some cases, parents may justify it with phrases like “I raised you, so you owe me,” but love is not a debt to be collected.
The emotional impact is just as harmful as the financial loss. It can create ongoing distrust, making it harder to manage finances confidently in the future. Setting strong boundaries—or cutting ties—may be necessary to protect both your resources and your peace of mind.
3. They Deliberately Undermine You
Some parents sabotage their children’s self-confidence or social connections, often in ways that are subtle but deeply damaging over time. They might discourage friendships, speak poorly about you to others, or give advice designed to alienate you from support networks.
Why would a parent do this? In many cases, it’s about control. If a child feels isolated, they are easier to manipulate. Unfortunately, this form of emotional sabotage can leave long-lasting scars, including low self-esteem, loneliness, and an inability to trust even well-meaning people.
Healthy relationships are built on encouragement, not sabotage. If you find yourself constantly being undermined, it’s worth asking whether continued contact is helping or harming your emotional health.
4. They Force You Into a Life You Do Not Want
Parents naturally guide their children, but there is a line between guidance and control. When that line is crossed, a child’s individuality is replaced by the parent’s agenda.
This control can take many forms:
- Forcing a specific career path despite the child’s passions lying elsewhere.
- Imposing strict cultural or religious roles regardless of personal beliefs.
- Denying identity by sending LGBTQ+ children to conversion therapy or refusing to acknowledge their gender.
While such parents may claim they “know what’s best,” true love accepts that each person’s path is their own. Living under constant pressure to be someone else’s version of “acceptable” can lead to depression, resentment, and, in some cases, estrangement.
5. They Deny You Basic Rights
Some forms of parental control go beyond emotional harm and cross into violating basic rights. This could mean preventing access to education, blocking healthcare, controlling legal documents, or restricting freedom of movement and association.
When parents prevent a child—or even an adult child—from exercising autonomy, it’s no longer simply a family disagreement. It’s a matter of personal freedom. In such cases, outside intervention from legal professionals, advocacy groups, or social services may be necessary.
Read more: 8 Subtle Boundaries Parents Cross That Push Their Adult Kids Away Forever
6. They Use You as an Emotional Punching Bag
Verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical violence, and its effects often linger longer because they become internalized. This includes constant criticism, yelling, name-calling, mocking, or passive-aggressive remarks that chip away at self-worth.
Even subtle patterns—like chronic sarcasm or gossiping about you to relatives—can create an atmosphere of hostility. Over time, these behaviors can lead to anxiety, depression, and a belief that you don’t deserve respect.
Boundaries here are critical. No one should have to absorb emotional blows just because the person delivering them is “family.” In many cases, limiting or ending contact can provide the space needed to heal.
7. They Sabotage or Exploit Your Career
For some, career achievements are points of pride shared with loved ones. But in toxic dynamics, parents may instead try to control, diminish, or profit from your professional success.
This might look like:
- Pressuring you to quit a job you love.
- Calling employers to damage your reputation.
- Destroying essential work tools.
- Taking control of your income or making financial decisions without your consent.
In severe cases—especially when large sums of money are involved—legal action may be necessary to protect your livelihood. Regardless of the specifics, career sabotage is a serious violation of trust and independence.
8. They Expect You to Endure Harm for the Sake of “Family”
One of the most manipulative tactics toxic parents use is framing abuse as something you should tolerate to “keep the family together.” They may guilt-trip you, accuse you of being ungrateful, or portray themselves as the victim when you set boundaries.
This expectation forces you into a no-win situation: stay and endure harm, or leave and be labeled the “bad” child. But the truth is that no relationship—family or otherwise—should require you to sacrifice your well-being in the name of loyalty.
Walking away may be difficult, but it can also open the door to healthier, more supportive relationships, whether with other relatives, friends, or chosen family.
Read more: Why You and Your Siblings Might Have Lived Totally Different Lives in the Same House
The Bottom Line
Family, in its healthiest form, is about mutual respect, care, and the freedom to be yourself. But when a parent repeatedly violates those principles, distance may be the most loving choice you can make—for yourself.
Estrangement is not about revenge. It’s about creating space where healing can happen, away from the harm that’s been normalized for too long. And while the path forward is rarely simple, it can be profoundly freeing.
If you are experiencing any form of abuse, help is available 24/7 through resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233 or text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474). Your safety, dignity, and peace are worth protecting—no matter who the other person is.
