Parenting is often described as the hardest job in the world—one with no manual, constant surprises, and a learning curve that never truly ends. Even the most loving, thoughtful parents sometimes stumble. Maybe it’s losing patience during a tantrum, saying something in frustration that lands wrong, or unintentionally embarrassing a child in front of friends. These moments are part of the messy, beautiful reality of raising another human being.
But sometimes, even when parents believe they’re doing everything “right,” their best intentions can have unintended consequences. One of the most common examples of this, according to parenting experts, is overscheduling—a habit that’s often disguised as good parenting but can quietly undermine a child’s emotional, mental, and physical well-being.
The Modern Parenting Trap: Doing Too Much
In today’s achievement-driven world, it’s easy for parents to feel pressure to keep their kids constantly busy. Between academic enrichment classes, sports leagues, dance lessons, art workshops, and playdates, modern childhood can start to resemble a full-time job.
The logic seems sound: the more exposure a child has to different experiences, the more opportunities they’ll have to learn and grow. Many parents fear that if they don’t fill their child’s schedule, their little one might “fall behind.” But this well-meaning approach can have the opposite effect.
Parenting experts Kristin Gallant and Deena Margolin, co-founders of Big Little Feelings, are among those urging families to slow down. The duo, whose social media platform has attracted millions of parents, regularly share science-based tips for raising emotionally healthy children. From tantrum management to fostering independence, they focus on helping families thrive—not just survive.
Gallant recently highlighted one habit that can quietly backfire: trying to give kids every opportunity by overscheduling their lives.
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The Hidden Cost of Overscheduling
“Parents want the best for their kids,” Gallant explains. “But when every afternoon and weekend is filled with activities, it can actually do more harm than good.”
Children’s brains and bodies are still developing. They need unstructured time to process emotions, daydream, and rest. When that time disappears, the stress hormone cortisol tends to rise—leading to sleep problems, irritability, anxiety, and even difficulty focusing in school.
“Kids need downtime for healthy brain development,” Gallant notes. “When they’re constantly on the go, their nervous systems don’t get a chance to reset. Eventually, that shows up as behavior struggles, emotional outbursts, and fatigue.”
What’s more, overscheduling can affect how children view themselves. When every moment is planned around performance or productivity, kids may start to believe that their value depends on how much they do—not on who they are.
Free Play Isn’t “Wasted Time”
One of the biggest misconceptions in modern parenting is that unstructured time is unproductive. But according to psychologists, free play is one of the most important tools for a child’s cognitive and emotional growth.
“Free play isn’t wasted time,” Gallant emphasizes. “It’s when creativity, problem-solving, and self-regulation actually build.”
During imaginative play—building forts, pretending to be superheroes, drawing for fun—children learn how to negotiate, adapt, and cope with challenges. They develop emotional resilience by creating their own rules and exploring the world at their own pace.
Neuroscientists have even found that this kind of play strengthens connections in the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and emotional control. In other words, giving a child time to simply “be bored” might actually make them smarter and more capable in the long run.
Busy vs. Overscheduled: The Subtle but Crucial Difference
It’s important to clarify that being busy and being overscheduled are not the same thing. Activity itself isn’t harmful—structure and social interaction can be healthy and stimulating. The problem arises when structure becomes suffocating.
Gallant explains it this way:
- A busy family: Has plenty going on, but still enjoys free evenings, spontaneous playtime, and slow weekends. There’s room to breathe and recover.
- An overscheduled family: Has every moment accounted for—homework, piano lessons, soccer practice, tutoring, bedtime. Even “family time” is rushed.
As she puts it, “Busy can be joyful. Overscheduled leads to burnout.”
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How Overscheduling Affects Parents Too
While much of the focus is on children, overscheduling takes a toll on parents as well. Many adults juggling work, household duties, and their children’s packed itineraries report feeling constantly exhausted or guilty—like they’re failing if they say “no” to one more activity.
The constant rushing from one commitment to another can strain relationships. Dinners become quick bites in the car. Conversations are reduced to logistical reminders—“Did you pack your uniform?” “We’re late again!”—instead of genuine moments of connection.
Over time, this fast-paced lifestyle can make both parents and kids feel more like co-workers in a busy company than members of a loving family.
The Case for Doing Less (and Enjoying It)
Slowing down may feel countercultural in a society that glorifies achievement, but it’s one of the healthiest choices a family can make.
Downtime helps children’s brains consolidate what they’ve learned. After-school breaks, naps, and lazy weekends give the mind space to rest and grow. Research shows that kids who have consistent downtime perform better academically, show fewer behavioral issues, and tend to be happier overall.
The same goes for parents—when schedules ease up, there’s more time for meaningful connection. Instead of managing the next activity, families can share simple joys: baking together, reading stories, or having slow breakfasts without rushing out the door.
Practical Ways to Avoid Overscheduling
Gallant offers simple, realistic strategies for families looking to regain balance:
- Limit structured activities. Aim for one extracurricular per child per season. This ensures focus and genuine enjoyment rather than obligation.
- Guard family downtime. Protect family dinners, slow Sundays, and evening routines. Treat them as non-negotiable appointments for connection and rest.
- Prioritize interests over pressure. Let kids explore what truly excites them instead of signing up for everything available.
- Say “no” without guilt. Turning down extra commitments doesn’t make you a neglectful parent—it makes you a mindful one.
- Watch for warning signs. If your child is frequently tired, anxious, or losing interest in once-loved activities, it may be time to scale back.
- Lead by example. Show your child that rest and fun matter. When parents take time for themselves, children learn that balance is a lifelong value.
Rediscovering the Joy of Doing Nothing
Boredom has become almost taboo in modern life. Yet psychologists say boredom is a powerful teacher. It encourages introspection, sparks creativity, and helps children learn to manage their own emotions.
When kids aren’t constantly entertained, they begin to think for themselves—building imaginary worlds, writing stories, or simply lying on the grass and watching the clouds. These moments of “nothing” are the seeds of curiosity, innovation, and emotional intelligence.
Gallant notes, “That’s when kids learn who they are—when they’re not performing, not competing, just existing.”
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A Healthier Rhythm for Family Life
The takeaway isn’t to ban extracurriculars but to bring balance back to family life. A healthy rhythm includes a mix of activity, rest, connection, and freedom.
Parents who slow down often discover something surprising: their children become calmer, more confident, and more cooperative. And perhaps most importantly, family life starts to feel less like a race and more like a shared adventure.
Gallant sums it up beautifully: “You don’t need to fill every moment for your child to have a rich, happy childhood. Sometimes the most valuable thing you can give them isn’t another activity—it’s time.”
Featured image: Freepik.
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