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It’s not always obvious when someone is taking advantage of you. Realizing it can feel unpleasant—like discovering you’ve been part of an unfair deal you didn’t sign up for. Whether it shows up as ghosting, red flags in a relationship, or subtle power games, the truth is: patterns of being used usually follow a recognizable script.

Psychologists note that exploitation often reveals itself through imbalance—when the scales tip heavily in one direction. Maybe it’s constant effort without reciprocity, guilt-tripping when you try to set limits, or simply feeling invisible. The good news? There are signs to look out for, and spotting them is the first step to protecting your energy.

Below are six key indicators that someone may be using you, along with insights into the common tactics they employ, how it affects mental health, and what you can do to safeguard yourself.

1. You Feel Constantly On Edge Around Them

Sometimes, your body picks up on things your mind hasn’t named yet. If you feel tense, restless, or braced for the next request whenever you’re around a certain person, that’s not random—it’s your nervous system signaling a problem.

People who take advantage often create an unspoken pressure: you’re expected to say yes, to give more, to stretch further. Over time, this trains you to stay on “high alert,” leaving little room to relax. Your inner signals aren’t trying to betray you; they’re begging you to listen.

2. You Keep Trying to Please Them or Win Their Approval

Charm can be a powerful tool for manipulation. Users often know how to tap into your empathy, your generosity, or your need to be seen as kind. If you notice yourself bending over backward for someone’s validation—constantly adjusting yourself to keep them happy—it’s worth asking why.

True generosity uplifts both giver and receiver. But if giving leaves you drained, unappreciated, or increasingly dependent on scraps of acknowledgment, then something’s off. Healthy relationships don’t demand you shrink your worth just to keep someone else comfortable.

Read more: If You’re Always On Edge, Psychology Says These 11 Hobbies Can Relax Your Nervous System

3. Your Needs Rarely Get Met

In a balanced relationship, both sides matter. But with a user, the flow usually goes in one direction: they appear when they want something, disappear when you do, and respond to your needs with indifference—or silence.

This kind of dynamic leaves you running on empty. You end up excusing their absence, minimizing your disappointments, or forgetting how often they’ve let you down. But your needs are not “selfish,” and asking for care isn’t too much. Feeling consistently invisible is a red flag, not a personal flaw.

4. You Shrink Your Social World for Them

Here’s a sneaky one: you may notice that other friendships, family ties, or social circles get neglected because one person takes up most of your time and energy. And it’s not accidental—they benefit from you narrowing your focus.

By making themselves the center of your attention, users gain control. The more you orbit around them, the less likely you are to hear your own inner voice or notice healthier relationships slipping away. This imbalance turns “support” upside down—where the one draining you becomes the one you mistakenly rely on most.

5. You Become Harshly Self-Critical

Everyone wrestles with negative self-talk occasionally, but if being around someone leaves you unusually self-critical, anxious, or emotionally off balance, that’s a sign worth noticing.

When boundaries are crossed repeatedly, it can trigger shame, numbness, or destructive coping habits. Over time, this eats away at your confidence and turns your best qualities—kindness, openness, compassion—into tools for self-blame. The result? You doubt yourself more, while the other person gains more control.

Breaking this cycle often involves self-reflection, reconnecting with supportive people, and holding onto hope for the future. Users may “fake the future” with false promises, but building your own vision of growth helps restore balance.

6. You Avoid Anything That Reminds You of Them

This one is subtle but telling. You may find yourself dodging reminders of the person—ignoring messages, avoiding places you’d see them, or mentally “erasing” ties. It’s like emotional survival mode kicking in.

But avoidance can backfire, since reminders are everywhere, and the harder you try to block them, the more power they seem to hold. Ironically, this often leads the user to push harder for your attention, making the cycle even harder to break.

7. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something

One of the simplest, yet most overlooked signs: you rarely hear from this person unless they want a favor. They don’t check in just to see how you’re doing, and conversations often circle back to their needs. If every interaction leaves you feeling more like a resource than a friend, it’s worth noticing.

Read more: Every Parent Should Say These 7 Words To Their Kids More Often, Therapists Say

8. You Feel Drained After Interacting With Them

A healthy relationship might leave you feeling lighter, supported, or at least neutral. But users have the opposite effect—you walk away feeling depleted, heavy, or emotionally exhausted. This “energy drain” is a reliable clue that someone may be taking more than they’re giving.

Common Tactics Users Rely On

Manipulators tend to follow the same playbook. Some of their go-to moves include:

• Flattery and charm to reel you in.
• Guilt-tripping or gaslighting when you resist.
• Playing the victim to pull at your empathy.
• Twisting facts so you question your own reality.

The goal? To keep you invested, even at your own expense.

Why Some People Use Others

Not all users act consciously—it often stems from early wounds. Two common roots include:

1. Unstable early attachments – People who didn’t experience secure, consistent caregiving may grow up seeking control and validation in unhealthy ways.
2. Unmet fundamental needs – Childhood environments lacking stability, reliability, or unconditional support can create deep insecurity, leading to a “false self” built on grandiosity.

While growth and healing are possible, real change requires willingness, professional support, and accountability. Without that, the cycle usually continues.

The Mental Toll of Being Used

Being exploited repeatedly can wear down mental health. It breeds self-doubt, exhaustion, and negative self-talk that lingers long after the relationship ends. People respond differently—some become guarded and vow never to be tricked again, while others keep giving until they hit rock bottom.

The key lies in noticing patterns. Once you connect the dots, you can decide if a relationship truly supports your growth or if it’s holding you back.

Read more: 8 Red Flags That Your “Introversion” Is Really Just Devastating Loneliness

How to Protect Yourself

Avoiding being used isn’t about becoming cold or closed off. It’s about balance. A few guiding principles include:

• Listen to your intuition instead of overriding it.
• Notice your patterns—do you give too much at your own expense?
• Set boundaries early so you don’t lose yourself in someone else’s story.
• Remember that you matter first—your well-being isn’t negotiable.

Generosity is powerful when it comes from a place of strength, not depletion. Protecting your energy doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you whole.

Featured image: Freepik.

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